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Catherine Sampson and her Amazing Magic Democratic Underpants!
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4. A Government could not drag its people into a war of dubious legality on the basis of entirely fabricated evidence, and then prevent any public review of its conduct – ever.

Britain is "the mother of democracies". In theory, none of these things could happen in Britain, because in a well-functioning democracy I and Ms Sampson and all the rest of the electorate would use our democratic votes to prevent them. But they all happened anyway.

I would also like to suggest that the Charter 08 signatories ask Ms Sampson about accountability on the part of public officials. Whether elected or appointed, it has almost ceased to exist in Britain. I can only think of one example in the last decade where any senior public figure has paid the penalty for dishonesty or incompetence, no matter how extreme, and in that case the accountability was enforced not by the system or by the electorate, but two years after the events by two tabloid newspapers who hounded the arrogant and incompetent Sharon Shoesmith until her position became untenable.

Nobody was accountable for the aforementioned intelligence that "justified" the war in Iraq. Nobody was accountable for the shooting of an entirely innocent man in a security operation, even though it was so sensitive that its management went to the highest levels of authority. Nobody was accountable for the deaths of dozens of people caused by a filth-borne disease in an NHS hospital. Nobody was accountable for the catastrophic waste of money on a new Scottish Parliament building that was supposed to cost £50 million and ended up costing £500 million. Nobody was accountable for the lies that were told by the Scottish Labor Party to the Electoral Commission to cover up the fact that they had solicited an illegal donation – an act that struck at the very heart of the democratic process itself.

Nobody was accountable for the deaths of dozens of people who contracted a horrific and incurable brain-wasting disease through eating adulterated meat.

This last example is both timely and apposite. Scientists in the UK now fear there may be a new wave of BSE-linked deaths. BSE in humans was caused by unscrupulous businessmen feeding the minced carcasses of diseased animals to herbivorous creatures, in order to make money.

In a recent and almost exactly analogous case that led to worldwide criticism of China, several babies died after being fed with powdered milk that had been adulterated with melamine by unscrupulous businessmen, in order to make money. It is worth pointing out that when the scandal broke, it resulted in the resignation of several politicians and the sacking of several public officials. Several businessmen were arrested.

When the BSE scandal broke in the UK it resulted in the resignations of no politicians and the sackings of no public officials. No businessmen were arrested, and none ever will be.

Dishonest and incompetent public officials in China are regularly sacked or prosecuted. I'm not entirely sure why the Charter 08 signatories seem so desperate to dispense with a system, however imperfect, under which there is some level of public accountability, in preference for one under which there is none at all.

Here is my message to the Charter 08 signatories: China is more your business than mine. But stop kidding yourselves, and stop pretending to the people of your country that there is some easy overnight answer to all their problems. There isn't. Catherine Sampson does not have a pair of amazing magic democratic underpants for you, that will solve all your problems as soon as you put them on. They're really just a pair of ragged old knickers full of holes, and her backside is hanging out of them. Sorry if that truth grates a little.

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