From the home of the pandas: Day 7, 'The chopstick diet'
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Iona Orbinski-Vonk are travelling in China for the first time in their lives. Their destination is the fascinating Sichuan province - the home of panda bears. In this blog, Asa tells our readers how an Englishman is faring in the Middle Kingdom.
Day seven and the battle against my newfound nemesis has reached fever pitch. Actually, my nemesis is a twin so I guess that should be nemeses. Just who or what could be upsetting the cool, calm and collected character of this easy-going Englishman, I hear you wonder.
They come in a pair, are slim, long, enjoy being handled gently and their only purpose in life is to feed you food. Guessed? Yes, that's right... my nemeses are chopsticks, or, as I like to call them, dropsticks – actually, I do have a vulgar name but children might be reading.
The last time I handled a pair of chopsticks was decades ago, so it was with some intrepidness that I arrived in China knowing that these steroid-enhanced splinters would stand between me and food. Granted, there's a spoon but in China the culture is all about 'keeping face' and I wasn't about to let my fellow countrymen down by resorting to scooping.
"Hold them like a pen!" came the advice, but I use a computer was the reply. When I pick up the chopsticks my hand-eye coordination wanders off for a coffee break, leaving me to wonder why there are suddenly five thumbs on my right hand. I did hope that years of exercising my wrist might help but such is life.
My success rate is slowly improving, but today I was faced with a slowly rotating table and chopsticks weighted at one end. Why are they being so nasty? I am sure the restaurant staff grease up my chopsticks to make gripping even harder.
The other frustration is the mysterious world of etiquette regarding the use of chopsticks. I know there are plenty of rules and the Chinese don't really follow any of them, but my frustration stems from another aspect. I am desperate to pretend the chopsticks are a) walrus teeth, b) a Confucius-style moustache, c) an arrow through my head, and d) a pair of reindeer antlers. I can't help it... I am a child of eight.
Even though I am probably losing weight as the intake of food dramatically slows, I do have a few days remaining to master the art of chopstickery and I will continue to try. I have a couple of suggestions, if you will, that the Chinese may want to implement in the future: serrated sticks to aid the grippage or perhaps just give one chopstick three prongs and the other a flat cutting edge... just a thought.
Click here to read Day Eight...
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