Fifty-three year old Cai Zexu is a Chinese teacher in a Beijing middle school, and also a psychologist. The day after International Family Day he shares his opinions about domestic violence with China.org.cn.

To mark International Family Day on May 15, Beijing's first dedicated anti-domestic violence group was formed by 20 male psychologists. [China.org.cn]

To mark International Family Day on May 15, Beijing's first dedicated anti-domestic violence group was formed by 20 male psychologists. Group members pledged to love their families, never perpetrate domestic violence, and contribute to the building of a harmonious society by providing psychological care. The group was set up by the Beijing Association of Mental Health and the China law Center's Research Center for Combating Domestic Violence.

Cleansing old traditions and conventions

Cai Zexu

The idea that wives and children are a man's property is deeply-rooted in Chinese culture. Although society has progressed, backward ideas linger. It used to be taken for granted that parents should beat their children to "teach them a lesson." Most victims of domestic violence are women and children, but abuse is not always physical in nature and men can be victims also.

Cai has a very happy family life; his son is about to take the university entrance exam. "Love is the key to family life, and love means being tolerant. I have never beaten my son or my wife, and I never will," says Cai. His own childhood was blighted by domestic violence. Like his three younger sisters, he suffered from his father's violent moods. "He beat us all, including my mother, whenever he was in a bad mood. I hate domestic violence, and I would never perpetrate such a crime."

According to social learning theory, people learn from observing and copying behavior. With positive reinforcement, the behavior continues. If a child observes violent behavior, he or she is likely to imitate it. In this way, violence is transmitted from generation to generation. "Fortunately my good-tempered, virtuous mother exerted a positive influence on us," says Cai. "I noticed our neighbors liked my mother more than my father, and I decided I should follow her example. I could also see that my father was unhappy and was using violence to release stress. Perpetrators are, to a certain extent, also victims of domestic violence."

"As the primary instructors of their children, parents must set a good example, but children also need to develop their own judgment to distinguish right from wrong."

Cai frequently emphasizes that adjusting social values and culture is at the core of the campaign against domestic violence – "There is a great deal that is valuable in our cultural heritage and centuries-old conventions, but conventions need to be cleansed and filtered," he said.