Sometimes when receiving a service I get asked to give a "tip." If I think it undeserving, rather than giving money which isn't deserved, I say: "Be nice to your parents."

Once again holiday time is here with the Dragon Boat Festival and with summer holidays for many families to follow. As with the Spring Festival, this is a time when many travel "home" to be with family. In China, such family gatherings remain one of the special times when people of all generations come together to celebrate traditions, reconnect, share old memories, and create new ones.

This is a time also to reassert the importance of family in Chinese and all societies. Unfortunately, many children today are so absorbed in their own social media friendships and distracted by chat and other technology that they sometimes forget or neglect the importance of family. Moreover, as urbanization increases and people move to cities in search of employment, this too may result in a weakening of family ties.

The family unit, especially in China, often includes not only siblings and parents, but also grandparents. Parents and grandparents often have a very rich, interesting history and can impart incredible wisdom upon you that can help you throughout life. It is thus important for one to get to know both one's parents and grandparents. In doing so, it is possible to better understand one's self. Through such dialogue we learn how we fit in and what we are fundamentally about. Life's lessons learned and shared by our elders can be invaluable guides for our own lives. As humans we each must deal with life's big questions and the wisdom of the elderly may prove to be invaluable as they have been confronting such issues for much longer. Parents are also usually the best source for learning the art of being a good parent.

Family relationships, like all relationships, do not occur automatically or by magic or accident. It takes work to build and maintain a relationship. To create and sustain a supportive and positive family requires great commitment from the parents, grandparents and children. Each member of the family has to become, in his/her own special way, the servant of the others. This means we have to invest in the relationship and not take it for granted. You have to spend time with family, appreciate them and not take them for granted. Our parents did not abandon us when we were young; and so we should not abandon them when they are old.

No one will love us as much as our parents. And yet, many times I have heard young people say that they used to talk to their grandmother or grandfather, but now rarely do so. They then discover that after their grandparents have passed away, they had missed an opportunity to really get to know their grandparents and there is a corresponding sense of loss and a void that will never be filled.

Home is the place you go where they will always take you in. This is not to say that friends are not important. Indeed, people who are not related to us can also take care of us, teach us and love us. Families aren't just biological, but also include with whom we are emotionally and socially connected.

Unfortunately we are sometimes harshly judgmental in relation to our parents. Yet it is important to realize that our parents sacrificed their own priorities to get you a great education, and achieve a better life than that was available to them. Sadly too, young people today may take China's comparative economic prosperity for granted and not truly appreciate the sacrifices their parents and grandparents have made. It is not uncommon for some of us even to assume our success was all of our own making and to see parents and grandparents as failures. We should be mindful of the role played by social fibers created by our family and friends. As the famous novelist Herman Melville wrote: "We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men; and among those fibers, as sympathetic threads, our actions run as causes, and they come back to us as effects."

Sadly, too, some children when grown continue to "use" and even "abuse" parents seeing them only as unpaid babysitters. Sometimes older parents and grandparents are cast aside, put into a care facility and largely forgotten.

The bottom line is that you should make it a priority to spend time with your family. If you haven't talked to a parent or grandparent in some time, give them a call and brighten up their day and yours too.

The author is a columnist with China.org.cn. For more information please visit: http://www.china.org.cn/opinion/eugeneclark.htm

Opinion articles reflect the views of their authors, not necessarily those of China.org.cn

Go to Forum >>0 Comment(s)